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A LITTLE BIT ABOUT MY BOOK “REMEMBERING”
At the age of thirty-six, I stopped drinking and came to believe that the root cause of my problems ultimately came down to one thing - clutter.
Here, I’m not just talking about material clutter. I am also talking about mental, verbal, visual, emotional, and physical clutter. Remembering is about peeling back the layers of assorted clutter in order to liberate our true Self again.
“I LOVED Kater’s article on “Taking Care of You.” Her wisdom on the subject comes though with clarity. I found it to be very inspirational for me.”-Melanie H.
In the book, I talk about other ways to clear clutter that will support you on this journey towards wholeness. One is to simplify your life, not by depriving yourself, being a hermit, giving up your possessions, self-denial, or feeling bored. Simplicity is heart-driven, a byproduct of peeling back or letting go of anything that no longer serves you.
I also write about clearing the clutter out of your diet so that you can reawaken your taste buds for real, “living” foods. Yoga is another valuable tool for releasing stress, tightness, and tension - another form of clutter. One hour of yoga will bring you back to your natural state of being.
“Ever since I was a child, I loved to read. These day, the only thing I have time for are short stores and articles. When I read the story about Anna, it brought tears to my eyes. Anna reminded me of Mamie, who worked for my family for many years. As a kid, I had no idea what the context of her life was and how it must have felt to overcome adversity towards “people of color.” Reading the story made Mamie all the more special to me.”- Kara W.
My chapter titled “Do your OM thing” may peak your interest in this 3,000 year old tradition. I have also included a journal chronicling the last week of my father’s life, and what that meant to witness his last breath.
There is a chapter on tolerations, inviting you to look at what you are putting up with on a daily basis that is draining your energy (see sample chapter). In one story, I talk about following a sign that led to one of the most rewarding experiences in my life.
“Having lost my mother to cancer in 1994, I was particularly touched by the story on “Journaling” about her father’s last week. I vividly remember the day my mother died, the moment she took her last breath, and what that did to me inside. Kater’s story captured my own feelings so well. At that point, I found myself having to put it down and muttering “Oh God.” A wave of memories came crashing in on me, causing me to acknowledge some of the better memories about those times. Thank you, Kater, for that.”-Alicia M.
I also write about the ten most common fears around letting go. There are stories about people who have inspired me, an article on taking a vacation at home, a chapter on how to stay rid of material clutter once you have scaled back, ideas on ways to create more time, a message about grace and how it came unexpectedly into my life one day, and a different look at the concept of s p a c e.
People love quotes, so I have peppered the book with them. My favorite is: “The way we do anything is the way we do everything.”
Most people like photographs, so I have paired them with their stories. And finally, I couldn’t leave out my first published work, an article featuring an old family recipe that was printed in The Oakland Tribune.
The chapters are listed alphabetically so that, depending on your mood, you can pick and choose. Remembering will be available for sale in 2006.
“I thoroughly enjoyed reading Kater’s story about Amalie. I wasn’t able to be at church the day she spoke, but I did buy a tape of her message. What an amazing and powerful woman! The style and content and heart in your writing touched me deeply.”-Karen “I found Kater’s chapter on relationships insightful, simple, and easy to understand. She gave me a new perspective on how to make better choices in order create balance in this area of my life.” -Anne B.
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SAMPLE CHAPTER - TOLERATIONS
“Tolerations are like termites. Gradually, they eat away at the very core of our being.” -the author
It was my former husband, Terry, who first brought my attention to the concept of tolerations. “You know,” he said to me one evening, “living with that slow leak in your car tire is a toleration.” “What are you talking about?” I asked him with a defensive edge to my voice. “Tolerations are things in your life that suck energy from you on a regular basis.” “Keep talking,” I said, rummaging through the refrigerator. “Putting air in that car tire is something that you have to keep doing until you decide to get it fixed.” Hmmm. . . I thought to myself.
The next day, I flipped through the dictionary to see how Websters would define toleration. After scanning through four different meanings, I picked the one that resonated the most. It read: “to put up with.” Clearly, I was putting up with that leak in my tire.
Even though everyone’s list of tolerations is different, they all share one common thread - they deplete us of our energy, time, and peace of mind. Sometimes, our tolerations are so subtle that we don’t even realize the impact that they have on our lives. Eventually, “to put up with” creates feelings of frustration, anger, resentment, complacency, and feeling out of control. Start by making a toleration list for each room in your house. Then either tackle the room where you spend the most time, or the one that is causing you the most stress. Then commit to one toleration each day. This will help you stay under the radar of feeling overwhelmed.
Like clearing clutter, start small. Sharpen your dull kitchen knives, replace a missing knob on a drawer or a light bulb, toss out pens that don’t work, stage things where you use them, replace a lousy can opener with a more functional one. Granted, some tolerations require more effort, patience, and time. Let’s face it. Sewing a missing button on my favorite sweater is very different from changing how I reacted to Terry when he dumped his briefcase on the kitchen counter. Of course, there will be tolerations that you have little or no control over. While they can’t be eliminated, you can learn to modify or manage them.
Chronic pain is one example. Living with an alcoholic, an undesirable neighbor, or caring for a terminally ill family member is another. Remind yourself that these experiences are in your life for a reason. What if you need to learn compassion? What if your patience is being put to the test? What if you need to put yourself first for a change? Once we begin to reduce tolerations, our lives can be simplified on an even deeper level. It will save precious time, reduce stress, and give you a sense of accomplishment. Every time something is modified, eliminated, or accepted, you will feel motivated, energized, and more in control.
Today, I no longer tolerate things like shoes that look good but hurt my feet, supporting retail stores that don’t value my business, allowing myself to be controlled by others, bad food, clutter, noisy health clubs, second hand smoke, being around angry people, local television news, and violent movies. While my list of tolerations has shrunk considerably since I first became aware of them, it remains ongoing for the simple reason that life happens - things break, issues surface, and change is inevitable.
Soon after my car tire was fixed, I stopped by Terry’s office to make a photocopy. On the wall, I noticed an 11 x 17 color poster from Coach University Press. Printed across the middle in rather large, lower case letters were two words - “tolerate nothing.” The remaining space was filled with line after line of toleration examples such as kids bursting into the bathroom without knocking, a phone cord that’s too short, customers whose checks bounce, a windowless office, a slow draining bathroom sink, dull scissors, the dog getting into the trash, a kitten shredding the sofa (but she is so cute), lower back problems from sitting in a bad chair all day, chewing fingernails to the quick, feeling pressured to call family, feeling depressed and not taking action, a snoring spouse, being around negative people, over planning, a flickering computer screen, sugar addiction, not adopting and sticking to project time lines, a bad driver’s license picture, children complaining when they are asked to help, fear of being assertive at work, being manipulated with guilt, needing bifocals, dwelling on sadness about life’s disappointments, saying “yes” when “no” is a better choice. The list was endless.
Finally, I turned to leave his office and found myself rummaging through my pocketbook for the car keys. The shoulder bag was way too small for the amount of stuff I needed to carry. I had outgrown the color, it didn’t have any compartments, and I was tired of digging. Clearly, a new more functional handbag would eliminate another toleration in my life. . . Sometimes, solutions that seem too simple often have the greatest impact.
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